7 Secrets To Parenting

“ANNOUNCING: The New ‘Are You Tired of Nagging? Get Kids to Cooperate’ Home Study Program: How To Raise Respectful and Responsible Kids that You Can be Proud Of.”

“If you’ve been frustrated and worried because your child is not chipping in around the house, is a ‘gimme-gimme’ kid, doesn’t take no for an answer and every interaction with you is a power struggle, then here’s how to turn this around…”

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Dear Friend,

   Before we get into the how to of getting kids to listen and do what is asked of them…let’s spend a few minutes remembering what it is like when they are being great. You’ve got to admit that…

  When your child comes up and kisses and hugs you for no reason at all and looks at you with love in their eyes, you just melt. Or those days when they share what they did in school or what is bothering them and you feel like their best friend or…

  When your child brings home a great mark or is on the stage in the school play you couldn’t be any prouder and feel like you have the best kid in the world. You feel that your parenting is right on and that you are raising a wonderful kid or…

  When you go to check on your child before you go to sleep and you see that little angel peacefully sleeping, hugging their favorite stuffed animal, you wish you could bottle the moment and preserve their sweet little face forever but…

   You know those other days when just about everything you try to get your child to do turns into a power struggle; you know when they interrupt, talk back, tantrum or ignore your requests, is there a part of you that feels hopeless and like a failure?

I Used To Call My Best Friend For Help Because I Couldn’t Control My Kids

When my kids were little, there were many times when I would take the portable phone, give myself a time out, lock myself in the bathroom, and call my best friend, Charlotte. I was frustrated with my kids fighting or not listening and I was at a loss as to what to do.  I felt powerless…Charlotte would listen and usually offer some advice; mostly she would tell me to “calm down.” But you know, I didn’t know how to get a grip.

     The look of defeat on my face was my kids’ invitation to act out and push me to performing “the mommy show”. That was when I would threaten, scream, take away toys and send them to their rooms. I could have gotten an Oscar for my role in the “Mommy Freak Show”.

   Even though we had some peaceful times, I remember sitting around the dinner table wishing for the “Leave It To Beaver” family dinner where my child was saying… “Please pass the peas.” One dinner that stands out, ended in one of my kids kicking the other one under the table and whining about what was for dinner. It was anything but peaceful family dinner!

  And, later that night we went out for ice-cream and my kids started in all over again in the middle of 'Friendly' and that was the worst. I thought I would just die from embarrassment. I beat myself up for days about my ineffectiveness with my own children. How would they turn out? Would they continue to act like this when they were teens and adults?

How To Parent Like You Mean It Without Losing Your Cool

   I began going to the library every Saturday morning. I took out every parenting book I could get my hands on. I read and read. Some of what I learned was helpful to a point but most of what was out there was too complicated and way too difficult to apply. Some parenting books said give kids lots of choices and negotiate with them and oh yeah, pick your battles and others said the complete opposite. It was utterly confusing.

   I went back to my family therapy books and all the psychology that I had accumulated in graduate school and re-read that, too. What I came to understand was that it wasn’t about my kids. They weren’t bad…they were untamed…you know…wild! I was “too nice” and…

   I realized that I was working way too hard, that I was confusing my kids with the consequences that I was pulling out of my so-called hat and my level of emotion was too intense. I started practicing not losing my temper. I began using a 1, 2, 3, Time Out System that did not require anything but patience and the willingness not to let my kids push my buttons.

  Over the last twenty plus years I have developed hundreds of techniques and strategies that you can use while staying calm and loving with your children no matter how old they are and no matter how severe the situation.


Introducing: ‘The New Are You Tired of Nagging? Get Kids to Cooperate Home Study Program: How To Raise Respectful and Responsible Kids that You Can be Proud Of.’

   In this Home Study Program you will…

  • Develop unwavering confidence in yourself & in your parenting to raise a happy, healthy, successful child. Because my techniques are simple and easy to learn, don’t require lots of studying and require you to implement the methods with clear step by step instructions you will see immediate results. Having success on day 1 will give you the confidence to keep going.

  • Have absolute certainty that you can communicate to your child what is expected of him/her and that your child will want to work with you and please you. Sometimes our children get overwhelmed because the tasks we ask of them are complicated for them to do. When you say “Clean Your Room”, this probably won’t get done (child gets distracted, or tantrums), or it might get partially done (child forgets a task). You will learn strategies to break down the task into easy step by step pieces. Everyone will know what is expected and it will be clear.

  • Become a more powerful parent-get nominated for Parent of the Year! As your parenting powers increase your stress level will decrease. You’ll be smiling most of the time and everyone will be asking you how you got such well behaved kids. Your friends will be calling you and asking you for advice!

  • Create a home full of peace and harmony, fun and laughter and memorable moments that your child will carry forth into their own adulthood and future family.  Meal times, holidays, vacations will be a breeze to plan and a joy to celebrate. Homework time will go smoothly and your child will become more and more organized and self assured.

 

“I am much more aware of my approach and I feel like I am armed with tools that I am very excited to try”

parenting tips

“I considered myself a pretty good parent, but I found that there were some key things that I need to tweak, that I didn't necessarily do on a regular basis. For example, I always rewarded positive behavior but then would also do the consequences or punishment in the same breath. I didn't realize the two had to be separated. So I think I am much more aware of my approach and I feel like I am armed with tools that I am very excited to try." Armi Rowe, Waterford, CT

 

Why It is So Hard to Parent Kids These Days

   When I was a little girl my life was very predictable. I would come home from school, (my mom was a school nurse) she was home when we got there, have a snack and do my homework. Next it was time for my bath and then my dad would come home and he would go for a run. (He was an original jogger- this is the 1960’s! Once someone stopped him and asked him if he needed help! They thought he was running due to an emergency!) After that we would eat dinner…by that time it was 7:00PM. Next it was story time in our rooms- and my dad would read us a chapter of Winnie the Pooh. You know, I don’t remember much of the story, I think that I fell asleep after the first paragraph. TV was a treat, we got our first color TV when I was in 3rd grade and this was a super big deal. We had one TV and we watched together as a family.

   On the weekends and in the summer we ran free in the neighborhood, playing kickball, riding bikes, hide and seek, spud, etc. We got really dirty and really tired. At dinner time my mom rang a bell and we could hear it no matter whose yard we were in. We came running because we were hungry!

  We got presents on the holidays and our birthdays. That was it. I had one favorite doll and lots of board games. I cherished what I had and I took care of my belongings.

  Thirty years later I raised my two children in the same neighborhood that I grew up in. They did not go outside without me. I was too afraid that someone would take them. Their activities included little league, dance, piano lessons…I was always driving someone somewhere. I worked nearby and had a flexible schedule but I still spent about $400/month in childcare expenses and more in activities to keep them busy. My kids never got as tired and dirty as I did.

   I started noticing when my kids were in elementary school how much “stuff they had accumulated.” I think my daughter had 30 Barbies!  It was cheaper to buy a Barbie than a pack of clothing to put on the Barbie you already had. And every time we went out to eat my kids would come home with a toy from McDonalds, Burger King, etc. I was constantly tripping over Barbies & Legos and I couldn’t keep up with housework. We started to de-clutter and two times a year made a trip to the Salvation Army to donate toys. I told family members to give my kids books instead of toys. Still it was a battle!

   Now my kids are 19 and 23 and I work with parents who have it even harder than I did. I did not have to battle the internet, cell phones or ipods. My kids did play a lot with friends and knew how to entertain themselves when they were alone. Parents tell me all the time that their kids have too much stuff, don’t appreciate it, don’t know how to play alone, don’t read, whine and complain about everything, don’t sleep in their own beds, don’t sleep through the night, talk back, ignore their requests and on and on.  

  Our world has become more and more complex. Our senses are over stimulated and there is too much to do and remember for both parents and kids. We multitask. We are overwhelmed and so are our kids. We are anything but calm.

 

Why Most Self Help Parenting Techniques Don’t Work & What to Do About It

   Most self help parenting techniques don’t work well because they don’t address the underlying issues that get in the way of staying calm, following through or how to stay on track when life happens. Have you ever felt…

  • Afraid that your child would hate you? (When you discipline and stand firm?)

  • Worried that you won’t be able to follow through with the consequence you gave? (Took away TV for a week…)

  • Afraid that your child will have a temper tantrum if you say no.(Your child has thrown things and maybe broken items in your home.

  • Fear of making the wrong decision. (Will I stunt my child’s independence if I don’t let her go to the mall with her friends?)

  • Overwhelmed with more than one child acting out? (Only one set of hands and everyone is out of control…what to do first?)

  • Confused? Flashbacks of your own childhood…not wanting to repeat the negative things you experienced? Or not wanting friends and relatives to know how bad it really is at your house?

      You may have tried all sorts of things and maybe some things worked for a while and then stopped being effective. Or you may feel stuck and confused and not sure where to turn. What you really need to do is…

  • Create a parenting system that is clear, simple and easy to implement and love being a parent.

  • Understand the difference between how to deal with annoying negative behaviors and getting your child to cooperate while having the final say with a peaceful ending.

  • Find out how to be a robotic parent whose emotions don’t get in the way. Parent from a place of strength and calm and relaxation

  • Assess and control what and how material stuff gets into your home. Increase your ability to teach your child how to entertain themselves without being plugged in.

  • Upgrade your parenting skills by getting all the latest cutting edge information on how to be an effective parent and enjoy spending time with your kids.

parenting tips

“The advice that I got was practical, no nonsense, not too complicated, things that anyone can follow up with. You don’t feel like you are coming home with a lot of stuff, it’s just common sense, no nonsense advice.” 

Susan Brasel, Waterford, CT

 

Introducing…..

The Parenting Powers

parenting tips

"Are You Tired Of Nagging? Get Kids To Cooperate"
- Hard Copy Book
Written by Susan Epstein, LCSW

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Limited Time Offer - $19.95

Please feel free to contact me with any questions: Contact Susan