I am about to share with you 5 quick fixes to take back your parenting powers. These powerful ideas may seem simple to apply. However, if your situation requires extra attention, or you try my fixes and they are not working for you, please email me or call and I will be glad to arrange a free phone consultation.
If you’re at your wits end, feeling depleted, exhausted and drained of your energy because of the constant tests you’ve been getting from your child or children, I hear you! And I want you to know that your're not alone. Millions of Americans and parents all around the world are facing similar challenges. Some more extreme, and some a bit milder than what you my be facing.
You love your child. You want them to be as great as you know they can be. You want them to grow up healthy and with their head on straight. But, somewhere along the line they got "derailed" and started on a path that has led to tremendous stress and anxiety for everyone. Pick your poison. Is your child:
And the harder you try to control the situation, the more out of control things get. Maybe they get better for a very brief time (and you hope it will stay this way), but it never lasts and the next big blow up is always just around the corner.
Here is Their Story
SO, mom followed the therapist’s advice, took Joey to the MD, and the MD prescribed 3 different medications. Mom had to fight with Joey every day to take the medications and if that weren’t bad enough, Joey seemed worse. Instead of acting angry he wouldn’t come out of his room. Mom cancelled the next appointment with the MD and stopped giving Joey the medications. Within 2 weeks Joey started up with the loud angry outbursts. Living this way was taking a toll on the entire family. Mom is even noticing that she and Dad are fighting more and no one in the family is talking to each other. It is like everyone is hiding out!
The 5 Quick Fixes
Parenting Fix #1 - Commanding Respect
Well, you say, "Easier said than done!"
Actually, it is simple. The glitch is that it takes consistency and a poker face from you. Every time your child engages in one of these negative behaviors, you have to block him/her.
You ask, "EVERY TIME? ARE YOU CRAZY?" "How do I do this?"
Here’s the DRILL:
AND the glitch, you have to keep saying it until s/he stops and you must remain calm and not give up until s/he stops the behavior...
I guarantee you, that if you keep repeating one of these sentences to your child, with your poker face on, s/he will stop. They will be so shocked, a. that you are following through, and b. that you are not looking or sounding angry.
You are commanding respect.
You need to be ON 100%. Do not let this behavior slide. So pick a day that you are rested and in fairly good spirits, have someone you can call for support if you feel yourself caving...and carry on COMMANDING RESPECT, you deserve it! Don’t you?
WARNING! Do not attempt #2 until you have mastered #1.
Good. Now you have his/her attention and respect. Let’s talk about setting up
A word about consequences:
Think of a consequence that is swift and logical. I personally like restitution in cases like this. An example, would be to do something nice for, with the person that you hurt.
*The key to Setting Up Expectations is to make this a meaningful and teachable moment!
How do you speak to your child? Do you feel angry and resentful about their behavior?
Then Stay With ME!
Let’s try something new. Here we go:
“Joey, I know you are trying really hard to control your temper and I see you catching yourself when you begin to lose it. Is there anything I can do to help you?”
You are encouraging that he is trying while also offering support and help. This will give him motivation and incentive to try even harder.
A word about overprotection:
*Remember, decreasing negativity towards your child has a direct effect on eliciting more positive behaviors!
Respect for others:
“Joey, when you ignore me, my feelings get hurt.”
“Joey, let’s sit down together and talk about what it will take to improve the way we speak to each other.”
“Joey, how will I know that you have completed the chores that I asked you to do?”
Make a connection:
*Providing Nurturance and Guidance Creates Loving, Giving and Kind Children
Are you ready for the final fix? Look past the content of what your child is expressing. What feelings are you noticing? Anger, Sadness, Disappointment, Resentment, Jealousy, Frustration, Happiness, Joy?
“I know you are frustrated that your curfew is 11:00PM, do you want to talk about it?”
“Mom, I feel different, everyone else gets to stay out till 11:30PM.”
Respond Clearly and Concisely:
1. Tell me where you are going.
Can you do this? And remember, Joey, if you are even 1 minute late you will not go out next Saturday night.”
*Listening for feelings creates connection and bonding and love, love, love!
Are you ready to take back the power?
As I stated in the beginning of this Special Report, some situations may not be fixed so easily and quickly.
In families where there is:
Please email or call me for a consulation if you have any of the above going on. Let's get together and make a plan on how you, too, can take your parenting power back.
Here’s What I’ve Developed to Help You Have Well Behaved Kids…
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Susan P. Epstein, LCSW, Parent Coach
Please contact me with any questions...